Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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