hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
