I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
