K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
