he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
