Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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