I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
