Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
