he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm always down for nudity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
