I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
