you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
