I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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