sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
