I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
