Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
