When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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