the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I did not marry a roomba.
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