I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
