There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
