I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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