I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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