Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
