I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
