i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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