im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
