The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The uberlube is also flammable
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
