he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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