Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
