5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
