I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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