Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
