the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
