then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
