The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
