So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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