My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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