he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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