When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish I only lived at night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives