I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now