You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
