Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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