I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
