is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
