Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
