no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
