I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
