Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
