I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
