do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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