Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
