All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
