yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Green mimosas i think yes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
