the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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