Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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