I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My feet surprised me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
