i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
