That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
