I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
