Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
