I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
