y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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