It's Friday. Sex?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
