i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
