were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
