My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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