Your face is a jimmy john
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
