Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
