i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
