On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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