Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
