come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
