No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
