I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
